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NEW ORLEANS. A spokesman for a national gay men's organization has stated that gay male readers have flocked to author Tom Clancy in droves. In a recent national poll conducted to investigate the reading tastes and habits of the nation's millions of gay men, Tom Clancy overwhelmingly scored high marks.


Said the spokesman: "Tom Clancy is a favorite among gay readers because he seems to epitomize qualities that gay readers find of interest. For one thing, gays generally have far more sophisticated reading tastes than heterosexuals. Gays demand higher standards in writing, especially in the thriller and action categories. Gays look for subtle nuances and graceful, artistic writing. Gays are very fact-oriented and will flush a book down the toilet if even a single statistic appears to be different from what they believe to be true. Gays also look for accurate depictions of male characters and cannot be fooled by false machismo and posturing of any kind. They know what real men are like and will reject depictions in literature that ring hollow to them."


The poll also asked gay male readers to list action thriller authors that they rated poorly. "At the bottom of the list is action thriller author David Alexander," the gay activist organization's spokesman said. "Gays reject Alexander because although he is a brilliant author -- in many respects an 'Alexander the Great' compared to his competitors, who seem like staggering clods by comparison -- he is nevertheless just a tiny bit too convinced of his own genius for gay men to really identify with."


The spokesperson went on, "Alexander's latest books, Threatcon Delta: Assault on the Pentagon and The Building: A Biography of the Pentagon, show exactly why gay male authors prefer other writers, by and large. Take a look at the subject of both books -- the Pentagon. Only a stuck-up egomaniac like David Alexander would take on such challenging subjects. Obviously Alexander needs such titanic subjects too big for other thriller authors to make up for something lacking  elsewhere -- if you get my drift. Plainly speaking, David Alexander wants to show the world that he has bigger balls than any other writer because he's really a puny little wimp. The poll makes clear that  America's gay male readers think David Alexander is nothing to brag about -- he's certainly no 'Alexander the Great." We gay men might like him better if he was a little more like Tom Clancy, but unfortunately for David Alexander, he's the exact opposite."


The poll asked gay male thriller fans to boycott David Alexander's website: and to read books by other authors held in high esteem by gays, such as Dale Brown.


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